The Role of Technology in Relationships

In 2026, the question is no longer if we will use Artificial Intelligence in our personal lives, but how. As a sex and relationship therapist, I am increasingly asked: "Can I use AI for therapy?" or "Can ChatGPT help my relationship?"

My answer is a nuanced "yes, but." While AI can be a powerful utility item in your emotional inventory—in its current form—it is never going to replace the connection found in professional therapy, especially not relationship therapy. Let me explain...

The Yes of Collaborative Potential: AI as a Reflective Mirror

For many people, the initial hurdle of therapy is translating complex internal experiences and feelings into sufficiently clear language to communicate coherently to another person. AI offers a low-pressure environment to engage in this meta-cognitive work (thinking about how you think), before bringing those insights into a professional setting or to your partner.

1. Communication Decoding and De-escalation

One of the most effective uses of AI is as an objective processing node for interpersonal conflict. You can input a transcript of a recurring argument and ask the AI to identify circular communication patterns or cognitive distortions. By identifying where a conversation glitched or where a defensive reaction took over, you can move from a reactive state to a reflective one. AI acts as a mirror and tutor for better communication tools.

2. Scripting for Difficult Conversations

Articulating boundaries or describing specific needs can be a high-stakes task. AI can assist by helping you find the language to express yourself clearly. By asking an AI to "help me draft a script to explain my need for more physical space," you can reduce the processing load involved in starting difficult conversations. This allows you to practice your delivery in a zero-pressure environment before engaging with your partner.

3. Identifying Patterns and "Shoulds"

AI is excellent at spotting linguistic patterns and themes. If you journal via an AI interface, you can prompt it to "highlight every time I express a sense of obligation or guilt." This allows you to identify the internalised expectations or "legacy code" that may be causing you distress. Identifying these themes over time provides a clear map for what you might want to address in your next therapy session.

The No of Relational Limits: Why AI Is Not Therapy

While AI is high in computational logic, it is inherently limited in relational intelligence. This might not sound that important, but therapy is not merely an exchange of information; it is a co-regulatory process that requires a human presence. Also, your AI will only ever have your side of the story, so it's limited when it comes to holistically improving relationship issues.

1. The Lack of Somatic Resonance

Regardless of the approach, all effective therapy involves some somatic level work. This is the ability of a therapist to notice your breathing patterns, the tension in your posture, and the subtle shifts in your tone of voice. An AI lacks a nervous system and so it cannot feel you or notice these small, nuanced changes, let alone offer the limbic resonance required for deep emotional healing. It can suggest a grounding exercise, but it cannot co-regulate with you while you navigate a moment of distress.

2. The Absence of the "Third Space"

In relationship therapy, a "third space" is created where the couple and the therapist work together. This space is built on trust, safety and shared history. AI cannot hold this space because it has no memory of your previous breakthroughs or the specific nuances of your shared journey. It provides a linear response, whereas human growth is often nonlinear and highly contextual.

3. Ethical Guardrails and Clinical Safety

AI operates on probability, not clinical ethics. It may provide "logical" advice that is actually counterproductive in the context of a specific power imbalance or complex family history, assuming it is not hallucinating. It also cannot determine when an intervention may be required. A therapist provides a safety net that an algorithm cannot replicate, ensuring that the work is always trauma-informed and safely paced for your specific needs.

4. The Art of Therapy: Beyond the Algorithm

This point is the one that hurts my heart the most. This current push for automation often pressures therapists to prioritise speed over the spacious art of therapy. This shift favours standardised protocols over the unique quality of vulnerable, intimate, and sometimes messy human connections. As clinicians, we are being pushed towards being technicians rather than open-hearted places of safety and vulnerable exploration, where clients can practice rupture and repair. By reducing therapeutic care to data processing, we restrict the therapeutic alliance, which is the primary predictor of success in therapy.

Real healing requires human intuition and a professional capable of holding space for you as a whole person, rather than a bot programmed for scale and efficiency. True therapeutic growth is a relational process, not a technical transaction.

Conclusion: Integrating AI into Your Journey

AI is a fantastic supplement but a poor substitute for any therapy, and especially relationship therapy. Think of AI as your strategy guide: it can help you map the landscape and understand the mechanics, but it cannot navigate the emotional journey for you.

Use AI for: drafting scripts, organising thoughts, and identifying repetitive communication patterns.

Use Therapy for: exploring relational issues, healing attachment wounds, navigating complex emotions, and experiencing the transformative power of being truly heard and seen.

The most effective way to use AI is to bring your automated insights into your actual therapy sessions. By merging data-driven reflections with human connection, you can accelerate your progress toward a healthier, more fulfilled life.

And if you want a human to help with your relationship issues, why not scroll to the top and book in for a free initial consultation?